SLESK, ROBBER OF OTHER PEOPLE'S WOMEN

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SUGGESTIONS?

(picture unrelated(maybe))

Ok, I promised to use this blog as an online autobiography, but, quite frankly, I don't know where to start ( or continue as it were).

Any one of my trusted fans have any suggestions or requests for what I shall spew out of my incredible memory?

RELEASE PARTY HANGOVER

(pic from Google, for illustrative purposes)

Release parties can be a gruelling, especially if it is for a band you hardly like at all.

But this one must have been good, seeing that when I woke up the day after, I was deaf and blind. This was because I was under a blanket, with my head between some woman’s thighs. There was another gal using my nether area as pillow, and a third one inexplicably sleeping on the floor. I had no fucking idea where I was or who the girls were.

Must have been some night.

While waiting for my “friends” to wake up, I tried to remember what the blooming’ heck had happened the night before. The aforementioned release party was for a new album by a rather famous Norwegian black metal band (I shall refrain from mentioning names, for reasons that will become apparent soon enough). I didn’t particularly like this band (I still don’t), but I was never one to miss a good party, especially when someone else was paying my bar bill. This someone else was a friend of mine that desperately wanted some company, and she knew perfectly well that I disliked the band, so she sweet-talked me into coming by offering me free drinks.

We arrived around 10 PM, a good hour before the band was supposed to start playing, and she got us both a Jack & Coke. And then everything went hazy.

I found an unopened beer by the girl sleeping on the floor, and opened it, waiting for her and the others to wake up. I thanked the higher powers that I wasn’t very hung over. I hate spending Sunday mornings with my head in the toilet.

When they finally woke up, they told me that none of them knew each other, and that I had hit on each of them individually during the night, and that one of them had suggested a foursome at her hotel room.

The really funny thing was that the girl whose thighs I woke up between were the fiancée of the front man from the aforementioned band, hence me keeping shut about names.

The moral of this story is: foursomes are awesome, even if you have trouble remembering it.

Until next time;

NLM

PS: Since I had trouble remembering the night before, the girls treated me to a nice reprise.

UPDATE

Starting tonight, Confessions of a Norwegian Love Muffin will mainly focus on tidbits from my mindbogglingly entertaining life.

For those of you who bother to read this, i encourage y'all to request tidbits that you want to hear about.

Cheers,

NLM

BLACK METAL MUST NOT BE MASSIFY!!!!1111oneone

There is a myspace page and a facebook group dedicated to the movie version of the book Lords of Chaos by Michael Moynihan and Didrik Søderlind.

One of the protest discussions included the title of this post. And Didrik, that old snugglebunny, asked me to write a poem about BLACK METAL MUST NOT BE MASSIFY!

So here it is:

BLACK METAL MUST NOT BE MASSIFY

TEH CD MUST NOT BE QUANTIFY

(USE CASSETTE TAPE INSTEAD)

BLACK METAL IST TEH KRIEG

PARADE TEH STREETZ UNT SHOUT

VI ETER LIK!

BLACK METAL FOR TEH LEET

WE IST TEH BETTAH, WE IST TEH KVLT

WE GO IN TEH WOOD

WE AKKKT LIKE TROLL

UNT WE IST SINGING NüR IM MOLL

FOR THAT IST TEH WAYZ

EVERY1 ELZE IST DER GAYZ

WE SHUNS TEH LITE

UNT WE KKKURSE TEH DAY

FOR WE IST TOO GR1M

UNT TOO TR00

TO SHOW OURSELFS

HOW WE LUVS TEH NITE